Relapse

I hope the first week of 2013 has been good for you all, everyone seems to be getting back into routine now, back to school/college/uni/work and such, isn't the holiday comedown rubbish! I'm currently in the middle of a post Christmas/New Year relapse which sucks massively, it was to be expected though as I tend to go into them when there has been an overdose of activities, I'm under extra stress or out of routine etc. My body works like a really old battery and when I loose power it takes weeks or sometimes even months to recharge, and the recharging phase it always tricky. I can hardly stand or lift my own limbs and when I get this bad I literally need help with every part of day to day life from eating to bathing to moving position, I find that side of it very hard to deal with because it makes me feel like I am either 1 or 90 I can't quite work it out. I turn 21 in a few weeks and can't help but think about what I would (and should!) be doing with my life :(

I've also been thinking quite a lot recently about what direction this blog is going in. I have been finding it difficult to find the energy to blog recently as the smallest task takes everything out of me but it is something I want to continue to do and although I like to share what life is like with a serious illness and it was a big part of why I decided to start blogging in the first place, but I don't want to just blog about that because there is a lot more to me than that, but I never do anything as I am always house bound so inspiration is often short. I am thinking a few things over in my head though and if you have any thoughts of things you might want me to write about or share get in touch :)

I think the fact that I feel like I have lost my identity to an illness may come across in my blog. It's like I can hardly remember what I was like before. I hate to sound all depressive and negative but I swore from the start I would always be honest and I feel that I desperately need to be reminded of who I was, and actually still am underneath all that grey medical fog.




On a lighter note, my very good friend Rebecca Leech created this picture of me (DJ-ing at a house party a few years ago haha)



Lyrics taken from one of my favourite songs, Every part of you by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros go and have a listen here !

Take care, Lots of Love,
Hayley-Eszti :)



8 comments

  1. I really hope 2013 is a better year for you! I can't imagine what it must be like to go through what you do! :,(
    I think it's really insightful that you write about it all and whatever you chose to do with your blog I'm sure we will all love it :-D

    Francesca xo
    http://goingroundthemulberrybush.blogspot.co.uk

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  2. I love your blog, so please keep on blogging you seem like a brilliant person! Hope you enjoy your birthday and remember youre unique and amazing dont compare yourself to other people

    http://alittlebitunique.blogspot.co.uk/

    x

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    Replies
    1. Thank you that has really made me smile. xxx

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  3. I'd love to see you blog more often, but obviously only when you feel like you can, i enjoying reading your posts

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    Replies
    1. I am going to try and post more regularly for sure. Thank you so much I am glad you like my blog xx

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  4. hi Hayley
    Just to let you know you won the Derek plate on my blog! I have sent you an email but thought I would let you know here as well just in case me email goes straight to your spam!
    Love Enid T

    http://enidtwiglet.blogspot.com.au/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. omg! Yay!! I've had such a rotten day so this has really cheered me up, I literally have never won anything haha, I'm so pleased! I will reply to your email now! xxx

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