I hope the first week of 2013 has been good for you all, everyone seems to be getting back into routine now, back to school/college/uni/work and such, isn't the holiday comedown rubbish! I'm currently in the middle of a post Christmas/New Year relapse which sucks massively, it was to be expected though as I tend to go into them when there has been an overdose of activities, I'm under extra stress or out of routine etc. My body works like a really old battery and when I loose power it takes weeks or sometimes even months to recharge, and the recharging phase it always tricky. I can hardly stand or lift my own limbs and when I get this bad I literally need help with every part of day to day life from eating to bathing to moving position, I find that side of it very hard to deal with because it makes me feel like I am either 1 or 90 I can't quite work it out. I turn 21 in a few weeks and can't help but think about what I would (and should!) be doing with my life :(

I've also been thinking quite a lot recently about what direction this blog is going in. I have been finding it difficult to find the energy to blog recently as the smallest task takes everything out of me but it is something I want to continue to do and although I like to share what life is like with a serious illness and it was a big part of why I decided to start blogging in the first place, but I don't want to just blog about that because there is a lot more to me than that, but I never do anything as I am always house bound so inspiration is often short. I am thinking a few things over in my head though and if you have any thoughts of things you might want me to write about or share get in touch :)

I think the fact that I feel like I have lost my identity to an illness may come across in my blog. It's like I can hardly remember what I was like before. I hate to sound all depressive and negative but I swore from the start I would always be honest and I feel that I desperately need to be reminded of who I was, and actually still am underneath all that grey medical fog.

On a lighter note, my very good friend Rebecca Leech created this picture of me (DJ-ing at a house party a few years ago haha)

Lyrics taken from one of my favourite songs, Every part of you by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros go and have a listen here !

Take care, Lots of Love,
Hayley-Eszti :)


  1. I really hope 2013 is a better year for you! I can't imagine what it must be like to go through what you do! :,(
    I think it's really insightful that you write about it all and whatever you chose to do with your blog I'm sure we will all love it :-D

    Francesca xo

  2. I love your blog, so please keep on blogging you seem like a brilliant person! Hope you enjoy your birthday and remember youre unique and amazing dont compare yourself to other people


    1. Thank you that has really made me smile. xxx

  3. I'd love to see you blog more often, but obviously only when you feel like you can, i enjoying reading your posts

    1. I am going to try and post more regularly for sure. Thank you so much I am glad you like my blog xx

  4. hi Hayley
    Just to let you know you won the Derek plate on my blog! I have sent you an email but thought I would let you know here as well just in case me email goes straight to your spam!
    Love Enid T

    1. omg! Yay!! I've had such a rotten day so this has really cheered me up, I literally have never won anything haha, I'm so pleased! I will reply to your email now! xxx


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