Hello all you lovely people!

It hasn't been the best of weeks for me. I've had a big pain flare up so my pain meds have been my best friend this week. One night I was in bed and I started to feel a very sharp stabbing pain throughout my whole body, it literally felt like someone had thrown 10 knives at me from the sky. Chronic pain is exactly that - a massive pain!

Has anyone seen that nurofen 'for lives bigger than pain' advert where they make it seem that taking a nurofen is enough to take away all your pain and you can live your life with no limitations? The advert is dramatic! Inspirational quotes, moving music and everything. It features clips of extreme activities like mountain climbing, motor racing and diving with whales. If I took the whole packet it still wouldn't be enough to even get me to get to the bathroom! I'll be happy when the day comes that I don't need to have an entire drawer overflowing with various pain medications, creams that rarely have any effect whatsoever and natural remedies that are are on the most part yet to show any signs or being useful. Not to mention the annoyance of needing to  take something almost every hour and if you forget or GOD FORBID fall asleep during the time your next popping of pills is due, you are ultimately left overdosed on your own pain and ohhh gosh that hurts!

Then again pain meds don't leave me in a particularly good state either. Often too 'drugged up' to concentrate, or function, incredibly drowsy and causing me to have all sorts of stomachs problems and side effects. If I was interested in taking drugs (which I'm not) I could be thankful for tripping out and hallucinating everyday all on my prescription, but I'm sick of seeing pirates playing the drums and thinking my wardrobe has a face. It's a catch 22. So yeah, I'll definitely be more than happy when a packet of nurofen is all I need to get through the day. Then maybe I can think about having a life bigger than pain and diving with whales and stuff.

Take care everyone, and to all you spoonies out there I hope your pain hasn't been giving you extra grief like mine has! Do you have anything you swear by during a flare up?

A life bigger than pain?

Having been bedbound for so long now, the sights I have seen the past 18 months haven't exactly been interesting, inspiring or beautiful like I had hoped I would be seeing when my dreams of travelling were still intact before M.E took over. I have a nice bedroom, it's quite large, full of art and things I like and it's comfortable, I can't complain about it. But last week, once the sun had finally come out I took to Twitter and Instagram just like I do everyday, and I was bombarded with tweets and photos of everyone having a nice time and making the most of the sun. Girls were seen working their summer wardrobes, tan lines were starting to form and spirits were high, and I started to feel quite nostalgic and I got very upset that I can't be apart of that.

I have always been an outdoors person, I love nature and I think the world can be so beautiful, especially when the sun is shining on it. After living in Spain for a year I have to admit I am definitely a sun worshipper! I love everything about summer, the smell of suncream, the long evenings, BBQ's, day trips, I just love  it! But there I was laying in my bed shivering because my body temperature is never good gazing out of my window with the sounds of children playing and neighbours having fun in the garden coming in through the window, wishing I could venture out and enjoy it like everybody else. I spend hours upon hours in that bed, thinking about the adventures I was lucky enough to have before I got ill and all the beautiful sights I have seen. But I want to see more, I want to do more! If the rest of the summer is spent in bed, it's going to be just as long and depressing as the winter was.

I found myself browsing through Pinterest dreaming about all the places I want to visit and all the things I want to do when I'm well enough. IF I'm ever well enough. Without my daydreams my life would be very dull. I could spend so long getting lost in these pictures, getting lost in my own happy world where I'm healthy and there are no limitations, just adventures.


These 4 walls


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