It's been a good few months since I've had to have an ambulance called out to me, sadly though this week that record has been broken. If you follow me on Twitter or Instagram you may have seen me posting about having a few health problems that were giving me some grief. I've not been feeling well for a few weeks, and by that I mean more unwell than normal with symptoms different to the regular ones linked with M.E. I kept telling my family how poorly I was feeling but they just assumed I was having a flare which happens from time to time, and admittedly I was wondering if it was just a bad flare myself because as anyone with M.E knows, there can be hundreds of symptoms and it's hard to know what is considered 'normal' and what is a cause for concern. That's one of the problems with having a weak immune system - you tend to suffer with more bugs than you care to think of.

I started having multiple seizures, although not unusual for me, the amount I was having a day was a lot more than I have had in a long while. I then began having bad chest pains, difficulty breathing, passing out unconscious, vomiting and extreme nausea so strong that I couldn't even look at my phone, or my TV, or eat. I've never coughed up blood before. It wasn't a nice experience, and after doing so for 24 hours, alongside all of the other symptoms I had been experiencing for over a week, my Father was advised by the Doctor to call an ambulance when I came out of the bathroom covered in blood that had come out of my mouth, white as a ghost and barely with it. I will probably never look more perfect for a role in a horror film than I did in that moment.  

The paramedics were all very understanding of how bad M.E can be on its own, let alone with further health problems giving you jip, and they were empathetic to how I must have been feeling. Luckily I didn't need to go into A&E because the conclusion they came to wouldn't have been helped there (thank goodness because all I wanted was my bed!) It seems I have a ruptured or burst (the medical jargon they used went in one ear and out the other) on my chest, which explains the blood. I also have a nasty infection and a high temperature, which explains the general feeling of being unwell, but the chest pain and breathing problems are still a little worrying. I'll be having some more tests over the next few days to determine what is exactly going on in this body of mine and hopefully be advised on how I can start to feel more human again! 

For now though, rest, rest and more rest is on the cards.

Oh what fun it is being a full time ill person!

Twitter: @hayleyszucs     Instagram: @hayley_eszti     Bloglovin: here

I've often thought to myself, being a 'part time' wheelchair user myself and considering myself to be disabled, why are there no disabled women (and if there are, very few) being represented within the fashion industry - or other appearance driven industries for that matter.

Last week New York Fashion Week marked the first time a model 'walked' down the catwalk in a wheelchair, during the Carrie Hammer show. I think this is a truly great milestone and the model Dr Danielle Sheypuk looked glowing and fantastic. However I am sure there are some people out there who think that disabled people don't belong in the face of fashion, least of all the catwalks. 

Danielle on the runway and being photographed in Carrie Hammer Source Mail Online

Disabled people, people with disabilities, or physical abnormalities are all people. People who may or may have an interest in fashion, just like able bodied people may or may not have an interest in fashion. However interested or not, we all wear clothes, disabled people included. The question on my lips is where are disabled people being represented? Where are the lines pitched and aimed towards that market group? Plus size models, models of different ethnicity's, models of different ages are starting to be seen on the catwalks more and more, and they all have various lines and labels aimed at delivering pieces suitable for their group, but the category in question are being left behind somewhat.

The reason I think Carrie Hammer chose to present Danielle is because she specialises in custom pieces. She said she wanted to cast role models, not runway models. I think this is possibly one of the best things I have heard or seen so far this year. Progress is being made, slowly, but it is 2014 and it is about time equality amongst all groups was put into place. I hope last weeks event will be the start of the world seeing more disabled people being used and represented within the fashion industry, and being considered and thought about more upon manufacture and marketing. 

Danielle with fellow models Source Mail Online /

I have asked myself this question many times:
"If a person had the most beautiful, photogenic, unique face in the world with the possibility of becoming the next Twiggy, or the next Kate, or the next Tyra, but they were physically disabled in some way, would they make it? Would we see their face on the cover of vogue, and plastered on billboards and adverts worldwide?"

My answer would be YES! Absolutely, because their disability doesn't change anything, in fact it probably adds more uniqueness to the campaign and captivates peoples minds more because it generally isn't the done thing. What do you think? I'd be very interested to hear your opinions on this topic, leave them in a comment below :)

x Hayley-Eszti

Twitter: @hayleyszucs     Instagram: @hayley_eszti     Bloglovin: here
Do Disabled People Belong In The Fashion Industry?

In my opinion positivity is essential for any chance of keeping your head above the surface in life, or for any chance of some sort of recovery when you are living with a chronic illness. Positivity has the power to move you forward, negativity will only hold you back. I try my best to stay as positive as I can because why waste energy focusing on anything else? Doing that is only going to make you feel worse and it becomes a cycle. Of course it is a lot easier said than done, I don't even want to list all the reasons why it might be so hard because that would defeat the object of this post but for every negative aspect there is almost always a positive one hidden there somewhere, it just might be harder to find it.

Positive Aspects
I've decided to share some of the positive aspects and things I feel I have gained since being a long term ill person which is obviously a negative thing with negative effects, but some good has come out of it and that's what I try and focus on. You might see me posting a positive thought every now and then in the hope that some of you out there might see it and think 'you know what I didn't see it like that, but now I do' because I know how easy it can be to let the little demon that is the life of illness get inside of you and start taking control, and once you start replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start seeing positive results.

"Few things in the world are more powerful than a positive push. A smile. A world of optimism and hope. A 'you can do it' when things are tough" 
Richard M. DeVos

So for me, something good to come out of being so unwell is how patient I have become and all because I've had no other choice. I see patience as being a skill that can only be improved through practice and just like any skill some people are naturally better at it, but the good thing is any skill can be improved upon and the more you are pushed, or the longer you are made to wait, the more patient you are going to become. Patience is a skill you will need for your whole life, and when a time comes where it needs to be put into action you're going to be so good at it you won't even realise how good at it you actually are, and when that happens the proof is all in the pudding.

Next time you are feeling down or having a hard time of things stop and think to yourself what good - even of small - has come out of the situation you are in? 

What good things can you think of to come out of your illness, or if you aren't ill - a negative situation? Tell me in the comment section :)

Twitter: @hayleyszucs     Instagram: @hayley_eszti     Bloglovin: here
Positivity +

With Valentines day just around the corner, I thought I would share with you some ideas and inspiration for making the perfect homemade VDay card, weather you are giving it openly to your lover, signed as an anonymous to that person you have fancied for ages, or failing those, you want to play at being your own Cupid and sending some love to your friends for the fun of it.







All photos in this post sourced from Pinterest

Twitter: @hayleyszucs     Instagram: @hayley_eszti     Bloglovin: here
Valentines Day Card Inspiration

It goes without saying that very very sick children touch all of our hearts. As adults being unwell is challenging enough in every aspect, but a child living with such a severe illness, possibly a terminal one hits a whole new level of the word tough. Growing up I saw first hand the struggles children who are extremely unwell go through as my twin brother was regularly under specialist care at Great Ormond Street Children's Hospital, so this charity is extremely close to my heart. The results of being poorly so young can be devastating with constant hospital visits, surgery, or severe health problems restricting if not completely taking away a child's right to play and explore, go to school and learn, and do all the normal fun things every child wants and deserves the chance to do.

But for every time mother nature messes up, there's someone out there doing some good, and remarkable organisations doing amazing things for others. I recently became aware of such an amazing charity that offer some much needed sunshine to the lives of very unwell children and their brothers and sisters who we mustn't forget suffer too.

Post pals is a charity run by sick children - for sick children where anyone can send a post pal a card, letter or a small gift in the post. Simple as that, but so so effective. Remember how exciting it was as a kid to receive something in the mail? I know that I still love receiving cards and sweet letters from friends in the post! Why wouldn't you want to get involved? All it costs is the price of a stamp, but to the child receiving it, I'm sure it gives them so much happiness, and most importantly puts a smile on their face for a while.

You can find all the information you need on the website:

Post Pals - Putting a Smile on Childrens Faces

Twitter: @hayleyszucs     Instagram: @hayley_eszti     Bloglovin: here
Post Pals // Post A Smile To A Poorly Child


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