The calm before the storm
I recently found an old memory card and on it I found lots of photos from the weeks before I was hospitalised, before my first seizure and before the days of severe illness. I can't remember if I hid the memory card on purpose or not because for a long time I struggled to look at photos of that time because I was devastated that I was never going to be the girl that I saw in the photos again. It made me so angry and upset to look at what my life once was, and to see what my life had become which at that point was incredibly tough. A lot of the photos on the memory card were of me with friends enjoying myself and having lots of fun. I can look back at those photos now and I feel happy. I'm grateful for the memories and fun times. I wish there could have been more but I'm still grateful and I can laugh and remember lots of the funny things that we all did. We were all so carefree.
I also found on the memory card some photos of a lake my boyfriend Alex and I visited days before my life turned upside down. Days before they started taking tests on my spinal cord and attaching me to machines. I remember how ill I felt that day but even though I was in so much pain, even though I could hardly move, and even though I felt the worst I had ever felt up until that moment, I was still in total awe of the beauty of the lake. I remember for hours swallows were flying over our heads in a perfect V formation as they returned back home after migrating down South for the Winter. I remember how I refused to go home early because I wanted to stay and watch the sunset, and I am so glad we did because it was breathtaking. The sky was lit with all different colours and it was so calm and peaceful. It really was the calm before the storm.