I really do wish I was a mermaid. I want perfect pastel coloured hair that reaches my bum, and I want a pearly silver fishtail and a shell bra. I want to have fish friends and a dolphin for my BFF. 

Living by the sea, instead of in it is probably the closest I'm going to get to my mermaid dream, but I'm happy to settle for that and the photos above tell you why. Because it's beautiful! I love the beach so much, it's my favourite place to be and I am SO lucky to have it literally on my doorstep. This evening was extra pretty because there was a full moon which was shining over the North Sea, and the sky was a gorgeous pink/purple colour. I was thankful I was well enough to go and sit down there whilst my mama threw the ball for Barney and let him run wild (I think he might even love the beach more than me!)

Sometimes just going down and listening to the sound of the waves and looking into the distance fascinated that straight ahead on the other side of the water you'll find Holland, is the perfect thing to take my mind off any pain and stress. Well, providing it's not too cold/windy/raining that is!

Do you wish you were a mermaid too?

x Hayley-Eszti

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The mermaid life

I've been in and out of hospital quite a bit over the past month or two for various different reasons, so I thought I'd keep you all posted on the latest.

I've been having seizures and fits for a good three years now, and they still haven't identified what type of seizure they are, or why they happen, which is frustrating because they are one of the most concerning symptoms and I'm always worried when and where they will happen as there are never any warning signs so I have to be so careful, especially as I almost always drop unconscious and have even stopped breathing on a few occasions. I'm probably going to be re-referred to the neurology department for a third time, but I'm likely to be waiting for about a year as neurologists are always in such high demand, but I really hope I'm on the path to discovering what is going on once and for all! (I can only hope) They are almost certain the cause is neurological at this stage, so it's going to be a process of elimination which could take a while.

I finally had my tilt table test done after over a year of waiting (which is ridiculous!) I'm going to put a more detailed write up about it in the next few weeks as part of the 'my *insert medical procedure here* experience series, so look out for that if you're interested in reading more about the tilt table test and getting a dysautonomia/POTS diagnosis.

One of the new Doctors I have seen, looks so much like Doctor Christian - a British celebrity Doctor who appears on embarrassing bodies, the show definitely not for the faint hearted. He seems really nice and he is keen to solve many of the questions that have been left unanswered for too long, which is re-assuring.

On the way home from hospital / out of spoons! / cuddles from nurse B!

I also made some new friends down the hospital, a lovely elderly lady, and a cute little old man who made my day by being so cute and kind. I was in a waiting room for an hour and a half waiting for bloods and it was like a party in there with all the old people singing, chatting away, and laughing. When you get to OUR age (and I say that like I'm an OAP because I honestly feel like one) going to the hospital is a social outing so you have to make the most of it. Whilst I was sitting there, I was looking around me and I was thinking to myself that most of the people there are likely to be very unwell, dealing with who knows what, yet their spirits were high and it was more like walking into a bingo hall than a hospital. It made me feel happy and inspired. Every cloud has a silver lining and being reminded that smiling through your troubles is always the better option was mine that day.

How have you all been doing? Have a great weekend guys!


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What the hospital said..

Easter is all about celebrating, and embracing Spring. So staying with that theme I'm celebrating being able to use my legs (which is a big deal when they haven't worked for so long!) for a short while whilst taking my dog out for a little Spring walk!

I love Spring, it's my second favourite season after Summer. I love the lighter evenings and longer days, feeling the temperature slowly rising, and seeing the trees turn pink and flowers begin to bloom. The smell of freshly cut grass is one of my favourite things and with the lovely weather we have been having recently all of my neighbours have given their lawns a mow, which my nose has been thankful for.

I hope everyone enjoys the Easter weekend, what will you be doing? I'm sure my Dad will insist on an egg hunt even though I'm 22 and I'm the youngest in our family, what a bunch of big kids we are!

x Hayley-Eszti

Twitter: @hayleyszucs     Instagram: @hayley_eszti     Bloglovin: here

Spring and leg appreciation

For many bloggers their blog is mostly something they do for fun, a hobby if you like. However, for me it is so much more than that. It's a lifeline. 
Initially I started my blog to give me something to do in a boring bedbound crisis. Spending all day everyday stuck indoors unable to do much because of chronic illness soon becomes incredibly tedious and with little to take your mind off the fact your life has been swept away from under your feet, you have to find a way to escape that reality for your own good. Starting a blog seemed like an ideal setup because I could do it from my laptop, from my bed or sofa. I didn't know just how much of an important part of my life it would become back then.

Pre chronic illness, I was a very sociable person. I'd say I was very much a people person and I was always out and about doing things. Now that I am mostly housebound or bedbound I'm not getting the opportunity to socialise or meet new people. I've not made a new friend in 'real life' in several years, since the offset of M.E but I have however, made plenty of friends online thanks to blogging and social media. Some of these friends have been better friends than people I know in 'real life' and without you guys, I'm sure I would be feeling very lonely.

The Internet is a great way for me to stay in touch with the real world. With so many blog categories out there I can do much of what I would do in real life. I can window shop, people watch, attend a cooking class, see and visit places in the world (travel bloggers how I envy you) and most importantly of all interact and talk to people!

I'd like you to imagine yourself in the shoes of myself and many other people living with debilitating illnesses - your living your life, happily doing your thing when suddenly you get so sick that you can't even move, you think it will pass, but it doesn't, it is still there years on and during all of that time your life has dramatically changed and you've lost a lot of friends in the process. You can't work, you are rarely able to go out. Now think about how big an impact this would have on your emotional stability, It'd be pretty tough wouldn't it? People who get the flu for a week or two comment on how they are 'going out of their mind' That is why a 'virtual life' is better than no life at all, which is effectively what I would have if it wasn't for the Internet and all its wonders.

So thank you to all of the friends I've made online the past few years, thank you to everyone who reads my blog, comments and offers support. Unless you are in the same boat, you honestly have no idea how appreciated you are.

x Hayley-Eszti

Twitter: @hayleyszucs     Instagram: @hayley_eszti     Bloglovin: here

Images in this post sourced from weheartit.com
It's not just a blog. It's a lifeline

Today's post is the second in my positivity series (first post can be found here) Recently my health issues have really been stressing me out, I don't seem to be moving forward at all, and it's so hard to stay positive when your life is on hold and you so desperately want it back. Chronic pain, and the symptoms attached to ME can have a tendency to eat away at you, and release a smoke machine in your mind making it hard to see any light. I don't want to pretend I'm the most positive person in the world, because I'm not, but all things considered I think I'm giving it a good go! Staying positive is like sticking to a good diet, or using your gym membership, you need to train your mind to allow it to be natural instinct. It takes time to get into a routine with it and there will always be days where it is harder, but it will get easier the more you use positive thinking as a tool.
I definitely need my positive energy boosted a little at the moment, and  in case you do too here are some things that might help your mind smile a little.

If you know any good ways to maintain a positive outlook, let me know in the comment section, I could use some tips. Do you consider yourself a positive person?

Lots of love and positive vibes,

Twitter: @hayleyszucs     Instagram: @hayley_eszti     Bloglovin: here
Positivity +2


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