I feel like it has been a long time since I sat down and just spoke to you all. I wanted to write this post to let you all know what is going on in my world. I feel like I have neglected my friends I have made through blogging somewhat, people who I know check in regularly to see how I'm doing.
The truth is, I have been doing well, well-ish anyway. I have been making slow, but steady progress with my health, getting back some independence and learning who I am again. The thing is, when you spend so much time with chronic illness dominating your entire existence you kind of forget who you are at times. That made me sad because I always liked who I was. Who I am. You always tell yourself to not be defined by your illness, but it happens however much you wish it didn't.
Newer followers probably won't know what I am talking about, and that is because I haven't spoken about it too much recently and I'll get to why in a moment. I am talking about the fact I have an illness known as M.E - a complex neurological illness. An illness with no cure. I haven't been sharing much of M.E on my blog or social media, and I think subconsciously it was because doing so was making me unhappy. Unlike people who get stressed at work, or people who begrudgingly have to spend time with people whom they don't particularly like, I don't have an escape from M.E. I don't get to leave the stress behind as soon as it gets to 6pm. M.E is with me every moment of everyday. I needed a break so I took control of the one part of my life I have complete control over, my life online. I have kind of liked being able to have some space away from talking about an illness which has ruled my life and turned my life upside down for the past four years. That being said, I feel like right now I want and need to talk about M.E.
The past few months I have been happy, happier than I've been in a long time. Being able to celebrate both big and small milestones makes me happy. Getting some of my life back makes me happy! Sometimes though it is like I am being teased. I am being tormented in seeing what my life could be like, if only my body allowed it. It is still very much good and bad days, I am still very much taking it a day at a time, but I have big hopes for the future. I still want to raise as much awareness of M.E as I can, and whilst on occasion this blog is a good way of doing that, I don't want to be an M.E blogger. I want to be a blogger who also has M.E. I want to show that real people, with real interests, and real opinions have M.E and the best way I can show that is by being real on my blog.
I want you all to know I am OK. Overall I am doing well and I am so pleased with the progress I am making. I am no longer paralysed. I have my memory back. I can walk up the stairs now.
But I also need you to know I am not OK. I am not OK because I have M.E. I may look and seem like a normal, healthy women at a quick glance at my blog or my Instagram account or my Twitter feed, but one of the biggest things I can do for awareness and advocacy is to remind you that I am not. We don't have to constantly talk about things for them to exist, but we do have to live and I want to live a life I am happy in. I want to feel normal even if I am not.
Thanks so much for reading. All the love,